Remember not too long ago how Matt's heart was broken? Well, it has happened again. This time though, it's my Robert. He spent some time over here this evening needing hugs, needing to have people around him, and in need of someone to listen. It is so hard to see your own children hurt and know that you can't do anything to relieve it for them. It's as if I am standing in a terrible storm and can't move. All I can do is watch it as it hurls its fury. I can feel it, hear it, and almost touch it. But, I am paralyzed. If I had the power to move, I would grab the storm and hurl it away even if it meant I had to go with it. But, I can't, I just have to remember the storm will pass and the winds will calm. Time will do that.
Those old painful memories return, but without the fury when I have to see it in my own. However, if I could relieve their pain quickly by taking a double dose of it myself, I'd do it without hesitation. I truly, truly wish that I could. But, I am powerless, and that is the most infuriating feeling. Seeing someones need, and being completely unable to do anything that will actually help. It STINKS!!!! I am so thankful that I am done with relationships. I'm a loner, I am content to have only family around and the older I get, the more reclusive I feel a need to be. I am glad about that. It's less risky, and more peaceful. It's hard enough seeing my kids and grandkids hurt. I am beginning to really think that maybe "Love ain't worth it." TTFN
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2 comments:
It's the price we pay for loving someone. But it's really worth the hurting, I think, for I can't imagine going through life not loving or being loved. I would rather have the pain of losing Steve, Harold, and Sue than never to have had them at all. I know how you are hurting for Robert and your inability to "make it better," for I have had it often with all my kids. It's even worse when one of them pulls away and refuses to acknowledge or accept your attempt to help. That has always been YOU, Brat!
I KNOW exactly how you feel about wanting to take away the pain from our children and placing it on ourselves instead. If we love our children that much, just think how much God loves them. His love for us is so much more than we can fathom. And I agree with mom, love is definitely worth it even with all the pain. It would not be life without relationships. It just wouldn't. Many people kill themselves because of lonliness. We were not meant to go through life alone. And as much as I hate to say it, without the bitter, we cannot recognize and appreciate the sweet. But I am definitely with you on the wanting to take upon yourself your children's pain. However, if we did, they could never grow and learn. They would remain innocent, clueless, and without depth of character.
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