Memory Monday

What's in a memory? Luana wouldn't know that because she has no memory of her past. How then I wonder does she remember that her childhood was the greatest time of her life? I guess the fact that she can't remember makes it so. Anything I don't remember must have been good. But, there are good things that I do remember. One of those really good moments was the day that Matthew was born.

I never saw any of my kids births. I just got to feel the pain. They came fairly quickly, so tis no big deal anymore. But, I watched Matthew being born. He is the only baby I have ever witnessed coming into the world. I can't even describe what I felt because it was so beyond words. What a "high" though. Then I was the first one to hold him after he was wiped down, weighed, etc. Melissa did give him a kiss on his nose and said,"Hello baby." But I held him before she did. The nurse even took a couple of photos of that moment. I loved Matt the moment I laid eyes on him.

I have some really nasty memories of his first years of life, but none involve him. It was my own demons that were affecting me. He made those years worth living. He gave me loads of wonderful moments. One of my favorites is when I tried to get him to sing. He had just fallen down and hurt his bum as he called it. I called it his seat, then asked again if he would sing Jingle Bells. His response was, "To my seat?" Sure Mattchooie sing to your bum.

Now that sweet little boy is a young man who has had his heart broken. It happens to most of us one time or another. But, I wish I could have protected him from that. His first heartache has brought memories of his early years to the surface for me. Never did I think about the day when he would be in love with someone, have her break his heart etc. He was just my sweet little grandson. At least I know that he will survive it, he will grow because of it, and he will move on. He may even have his heart broken again before he's done. He may also do a little heart breaking too. It happens. It's life, and I DON'T WANT IT TO HAPPEN TO MY GRANDKIDS!!!!!

I am just so thankful that he is close to his mother, can talk to her about nearly everything, and was able to call her the night it happened. He talked to her for a long time, and I am certain he poured his heart out to her. My daughter is awesome! She has made mistakes just like the rest of us, but she's a HELL of a lot better mom than I was able to be. Matt knows he is loved by her, he trusts her, and she was there to help him through this. But, I don't want it to happen again. But, I cannot stop life and the way it works. I send him lots of kisses and hugs though. But, they don't work for him anymore the way they used to (from me). His mama's hugs are what sustain him. And isn't that the way it should be?

I have rambled on and on and that is what I do. But, I shall end this memory Monday with one more statement. I'm cute! TTFN, Moi